Did you ever have one of those days when you couldn't concentrate on your work, if you are an artist like me, you have gone through this up-teen million times in your career.
My lack of creative thought has to due from "Balance". Balance is something artist and designers use constantly in to complete any work of art.
The lack of balance.....That is to say, the unbalance is in my private life.
Now that things have been improving with my daughter, I find my thoughts traveling everywhere in my mind, like each one is lost. That very special man I talk about , that lives in MA fills almost every thought.
Its like he's the missing piece of the puzzle waiting to finish me.
It is true that he inspires me, whenever he comes back into my life, he brings happiness to my heart. I want to be always around him.
I guess I am an old fashioned lady in the belief that he'll come to see me, complete my life and ask me to come back home with him. That would be only right.
It sounds kinda strange a 47 year old lady believing in something that sounds like it belongs in a fairy tale.
But, I feel like the ''Real ' Artist within myself can only be brought out in me by him only, without him, there's no inspiration for that part of me.
Its amazing I still carry the memory of him holding my hand, squeezing it, even though it was just for a few seconds years ago. I always felt so safe with him.
I miss and feel lost without my inspiration.
I wonder if DaVinci used the initials S.A.S when he was painting Mona Lisa, How else could he have completed the portrait!
About a year or more ago, I started on a project for that very special man in my life that has really made a difference in my kids life as well, of course by now, all you that have been reading my blogs know about the man I talk about consistently on here. I always hope he reads what I write because what I feel and share are always from the heart.
As an artist, I have great days when what I am doing, goes well and good and each work comes out as I hope it would or even better. I know by now he's wondering whether or not I am finished with the project I promised to do for him. I wanted to do it for him, not because he asked or that I wanted to impress him with my talent because well, I always have to improve on my skill.
I did because I think a great deal of him as a person and as a man, whom I respect. I can't give much, but I can give of myself from what I have been gifted with. I care about him very much and I am very attached to him, like he is a part of myself and I think the world of him.
I don't always know all the things that go on in the relationship we have but I do understand why. I just never want it to end or loose him, it would be like loosing a special part of who I am.
I know he has been through so much this past year and I do know the pain is still there. If I could, I'd give him a hug, like had given to me when I was hurting. He gives so much of himself.
Things started to fall apart for me when my daughter was diagnosed with Anorexia. I was so scared of losing my daughter, fighting to get her to eat and well was a daily struggle. Fretting that her heart rate would continue being low. All together, it felt like my world was coming apart and to add to it , we lost communication with each other, something was wrong in his world too . Doing artwork throughout this wasn't easy. I couldn't concentrate, getting frustrated that it wasn't going like I wanted and frequently I would mess up, redo an area,wearing the surface thin to eventually, it was beyond what I could fix.
I stopped completely putting the project aside was the only thing I do. I just needed to get away from it and think it through before starting again. I wanted to do the portrait for him but my heart wasn't in it.
Then I started my job, trying to relieve some of the medical bills and still worrying if my daughter was eating enough while I was gone, echoed in the back of my mind.
I was so happy when I heard from him on here, it meant so much to me, I never said that on here but I am saying it now! I just wish I could have been more of a help during the death of his parents, he really needed me too. I never was sure he did. My daughter started to do better as well. That is something that I couldn't do myself.
So, I want to say to him and I pray he reads this, I promised to do a portrait of all the wonderful things you have accomplished in your life. The loves that are so close to your heart. I am re-starting it over with one exception, I am going to do a portrait of your beloved parents.
You showed me love and kindness so many times and I want to show you the same love and kindness,
Thank you for being in my life! I am always here!
Love Always,
Your Artist.
Art isn't anything new to me but a thought occurred to me while on the "Job Hunt" A whole lot of friends and family have been on me about getting my art work published and making my art talent a career, not just a hobby. I have to admit, these last few times, I wanted to take the "Easy " road and just work a retail job.
Getting the rash and all the trouble I had working for Kroger was like "Ok, you aren't doing this again!"
Filling out applications has to be done online anymore, so I have been hitting the computer hard, trying to come up with companies who wanted artwork because after all, "If I was going to find something in art..I just had to get out there and try again." It took me awhile but finally, I typed up the right wording to give my search engine something to work with.
Years ago before my husband passed , my sister let me borrow a book called "Children's Writers And Illustrators Market" A book dedicated to help find companies that buy freelance writings and illustrations. I had forgotten all about it after I gave the book back to my sister. This week I found the 2014 version of this book and "The 2014 Artist's And Graphic Designer's Market" from Amazon. So I ordered them.
I know its going to be a long haul and a great deal of hard work to get it rolling. I hope I have paid enough dues to get to this point after all these years and I pray that I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel of success. I just can't give up again, not this time.
Can't wait to dive into these books!
One of my first assignments in my Junior High School art class was producing a comic strip. I had to think long and hard to come up with a joke. It wasn't the best and I got an A- on it. Nowadays whenever I go through town, more often than not, I pass a Smart Car, or a KIA Seoul. The KIA is kinda neat, not my kinda of car, but many people really like them for the gas mileage.
The Smart Car, may be smart on gas but , it is the ultimate joke as the electric car of the seventies. Basically a glorified golf cart. If you like the car, I apologize for my comment and the comic I had to draw up for it. I hope you enjoy and take it in good humor.
When in art, whether designing or painting on canvas, there is always a very important tool that you should always refer to if there is any question in mind of what color combination to use. I had dug out my old notes from my art training and was reading up to recapture my knowledge of basic art terminology. I always find it helpful to re-do the exercise when refreshing my skill. I decided to do the color wheel and the structure of putting the colors together properly that make the color wheel up. It was really great to get my feet wet on doing the basics. If you are a student of art, you might find this fun.
Sometimes we remember the things that we thought we have forgotten. Its just misplaced in the files of our mind. Its like re-discovering a lost heirloom in the house. The older I get, sometimes I lose some of the things I have learned over the years, most of us do...well I thought I did. Its like riding a bike, just get on and peddle, it will come back to you!
Its funny how the good lord works things out in His own time. Recently I had to let go of my job at Kroger for an allergic reaction. I had used too many days according to policy for other problems with my car and calamity days for the kids, so instead of being placed further on probation, I just quit. Kroger is really stern about that. All the time I was working there, something inside kept nagging at me about the talent I had with illustration and letting it go, why was I here? So Here I go again," back in the saddle Again" or "On The Spinning Color Wheel ."
I am hoping this time, prayerfully, that it will work, I just need to find the right combination of ideal a "Key" to make all work. Never give up hope, all roads lead back to the right path.
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